Treading the boards

Having always harboured a secret desire to be an actress, I have finally joined a theatre group in my local town. I went along to the auditions a couple of weeks back, not knowing what to expect. I explained that I'd never really done much acting before, apart from a dalliance with the camera a few years ago when we re-did "Dinner for One" and when I was at school, hundreds of years ago. I say when I was at school, as if I played the lead role in all of the school's weird productions. I didn't. All I can remember is Mr Grossman making us pretend to be motorbikes, and telling me I had a nice voice. But this remark has stuck with me.

I was a bit nervous at the auditions but everyone was friendly and they made me feel very welcome. We had to read out a bit of the play which is being put on at Christmas: Alan Ayckbourn's "Season's Greetings", a mixture of the usual seasonal arguments and wine-fuelled liaisons that do actually ring true. It's quite amusing in places. I only wanted a small role so read two of the smaller characters - except actually most of the characters have about the same amount to say really; there is one central woman around which everyone interacts.  I realised that most of the women at the audition had performed before and were very good, so although I had enjoyed it, I could not imagine that I would be chosen for a part with that much talent in the room.

However, the director must have seen something worth taking a risk on, as he offered me the role of Pattie. A woman with three kids who is seven months pregnant! Naturally, I accepted the challenge.

We have a busy rehearsal schedule and I have been to two rehearsals. I am quickly realising there is so much to learn - not in terms of lines, although I do have many - but in terms of the theatre. The stage is bigger than I expected. It is as much about movement, where you are standing and where you are facing as how you say the lines. Saying the lines is not the same as reading them out of a book. I will have to learn to project my voice. How, for example, do you convincingly cry or get angry? Maybe it's not so easy. And I need to learn terms like "upstage" and "downstage", "business" and probably lots more. But I can clearly learn a lot from the others. The woman cast in the main role told me she hadn't done any more acting than I have when she joined a year ago, so she has clearly taken to it like a duck to water. And I see that the director will of course be guiding and advising the whole way through. So it doesn't feel quite as terrifying as it might do. In fact, it felt strangely right to be standing on the stage. But I can tell that it will be a journey of challenges and ups and downs, and that sometimes I will wonder what I am doing there. But all in all I think it should be good fun.

Everyone seems very nice and as we will be spending a whole lot of time together, I am glad because it will mean knowing local people. The nicest thing is having something else to focus on other than job hunting and I have found myself feeling a little more productive the next day as a result.

A predictable and probably often-to-be-repeated misunderstanding occurred last night, as I chatted with a woman who had missed the first rehearsal.
"I haven't done any acting before," I told her. "And I'm pregnant, so that will be weird!"
"Ooh," she said, glancing at my figure, "how far is it?"
"It's 7 months..." (She looks confused), "No, I'm pregnant in the play! Not in real life!"
Much hilarity. She thought I looked a bit thin...
I'm looking forward to having the baby bump put on (well, not actually because I imagine it is going to be very weird, having not been in that condition before) - But I might put the picture on Facebook and see how many people I can fool...

Leominster Priory

Following a trip to Shropshire, we found ourselves, as usual, passing through Leominster on the way home. Now always thinking about nearby fonts and tympanums, we wondered if we should stop off (just quickly) to see what Leominster Priory had to offer. We could see a spire from the nearby petrol station. Could that be it? It was, and it wasn't far to go.  Walking up to it, I was amazed how large it was but how well hidden from view when you were in the town.

So, Pevsner mentioned some carved capitals with various animals, people and plants... Sounded promising. We wandered up to the west doorway. And gasped. Six columns each with a carved capital - all different and all remarkably well preserved and intricately carved. Wow, it must have been like cinema back then to the people - you could really enjoy looking at the pictures, as we do today, and working out what they were.  There was one of some sort of cereal - we have seen something similar - one of foliage and snakes, one with two men (which is quite unusual) who looked like they were wearing striped pyjamas; two birds which were definitely in the same style we have seen before; and two animals sharing a head - again, something we have seen before at... hmm, where was it... Avening in Gloucestershire.

So there is a definite and recognisable style - and these carvings fall into the "Herefordshire school" style, examples of which we have seen Stottesdon (in Shropshire) and Castle Frome. We have seen birds (pigeons? doves?) like that at Durnford and Hinton Parva as well. They are quite pleasing and always seem amused, to me. They have real character.

Pevsner briefly mentioned some carvings inside, so we went to look for those. Once we'd got over our surprise at the sheer size of the place, including enormous fat Norman columns the like of which I've never seen, we were excited to discover that the carvings inside were equally as detailed and pleasing as those outside. They were basically in the same position, on the inside of the doorway, with another 4 columns each with carved capitals, and some other details further up. These had some interesting faces, perhaps Green Man-ish, one with a plaited beard? and the other with the "raspberry" type fruits (or maybe, more realistically, grapes?) that we have seen in other carvings.

All in all it was well worth stopping off at Leominster, which we'd done on a whim.  A couple of other people came in while we were there, took a cursory walk and glance round the place, missing out the carvings and left. I think they missed the best bits.

More catching up

Another trip fonting took in Berwick St James (some previously unseen criss cross designs above the door), Winterbourne Stoke (a very pleasing font, small but chunky, sadly with the most hideous and out of place but apparently historical Jacobean font cover. We did not include it in our drawings). The archway over the entrance had some nice blob shape designs. We had a disappointing trip to Amesbury, where the priory was closed (what happens if you are religious and seeking solace, or persecuted and seeking sanctuary? Not much good if the church is shut), we stopped to enjoy the clear waters of the Avon where some ducks were having a good time. Some keen walkers strode over the bridge, making it bounce rather uncomfortably. Another example of when people walking seem to think the point is to get from A to B in the quickest possible time, instead of actually looking at what is around them.

On to Durnford, described rather simply by Pevsner so that we were expecting merely a font with some sort of design on it. (All our trips are based on the information taken from Nikolaus Pevsner's architectural guides. He and his wife spent many years going from church to church across the UK, while he documented everything. From this my sister has extracted the bits about Norman and Saxon architecture. How he had time to look at everything we marvel to comprehend. But then again he does sometimes miss things out or gloss over the most amazing features. And we can understand why - just doing 4 or 5 churches is sometimes exhausting).  This was the case in Durnford. We weren't expecting much. But it was quite amazing. Over the doorway were some wonderful and unusual shapes that look like shuttlecocks. I pushed open the big heavy oak door (I love some of these old doors! They are from centuries ago).  I looked round. I gasped. The font was amazing. So intricately and elaborately carved with a design covering all of it. The design looked like little faces. That would be hard to draw... I looked round again. Gasped. There were carvings in the wall. Looked more. Gasped. Remnants of paintings on the wall.  Went further in and looked at some capitals - gasped - 2 perfectly preserved and hilarious animals. Read about the church from their information. Gasped. The back pews were 16th century. Drawing the fabulous font was of course tricky but fun, specially sitting on the ancient pews.

Durnford font

Durnford, a smiling bird

Catching up

It is slack of me but I have failed to blog about the previous fonting trips we have been on, so rather than forget them entirely, I will mention them here. There were, after all, many things of interest and a few moments that elicited gasps.

The Minute Face

The majority have been around the Stonehenge area. It was quite amusing when we drove past it to see the crowd of tourists who come, presumably daily, to marvel at this ancient sight. We had sights of our own to seek out and marvel at. The first trip back took in Longbridge Deverill and Brixton Deverill, with two pleasing fonts. Our next trip was towards Yeovil, where we spent a little time in Milborne Port (a tympanum with 2 affronted creatures and a woman who gave us a start inside the church); Maperton, home of the minute face (a tiny but compelling face stuck halfway up a wall in the belltower), and a Saxon-esque scrolled design in the porch. On to Blackford - a pleasingly chunky font; All Cannings (bat droppings and some impossible to draw column capitals), and Stanton St Bernard - just the cutest font you will ever see - and finishing at Marden, by which time I was too weary to draw much.

The simplicity of the font at Stanton St Bernard was deceptive - ah, just two lines of zigzags, you might think. But try drawing this and you will soon see that simple is often the most difficult, at least to draw. I had to really look and not let my brain draw what it thought was there. This font had real character and part of this appeal has to be its unevenness, which speaks of its carver and somehow the actual creation of it. You are taken back to those days 900 years ago when the carver might have taken a step back and realised his font design was getting out of kilter. But then, that doesn't seem to matter. The essence of the carvings are in their asymmetry, this refreshing difference from the mass-produced, identical and perfect soul-lessness of modern things.

Stanton St Bernard font. Who wouldn't want a font like this?

The search for gold

Job hunting is a time-consuming thing. Good job I have all this time to do it in, then. Although of course, there are many other things I would like to be doing, like writing. You think that it should be relatively straightforward. You look for a job; you find a job; you submit an application. But no, there are sometimes things which take you hours to do, when it should take a few minutes. Even more frustrating when you end up not hearing back from people.

For example, the other day, I was applying for a job. Everything now requires you to sign in to the job site and create an account, so I did that and then began filling in the application. Oh good, you can just upload your CV and add a covering letter. The least painful method. Although I remembered to tweak my CV before posting.  Then I wrote a wonderful letter about how marvellous I would be for the job.  Then I scrolled down. The site wanted, in addition, the usual information filled out in their boxes about my education, experience, and why I wanted the job. So basically everything on my CV. I filled this out dutifully and then went back to change my cover letter so it didn't include everything I needed to say again.  Then I pressed submit.  It told me I must fill in all the asterisked boxes. Ah, ok: it needs dates. I put in the dates. Submit. No, still no good. I looked again. Ah, they have little calendar icons; I must use these to select the dates. Done. Submit. Still no good! I looked at the top: "please put the date in the format DD/MM/YYYY."  OK! Now I get it. But when you select the date from the calendar it put the date in the format DD-MM-YYYY.  So I had to go back and change it.  Sigh. Finally it accepted it.

Then this morning. I am applying to a well known and large organisation. "Please address any queries to XXX".  OK, I have a query. I will ask her. I emailed the woman.  An email came back: "I am out of the office until Monday, please email ZZZ with any queries."  Ok, fine. The closing date is only tomorrow but I'm sure ZZZ can help in your absence.  I emailed ZZZ. An email came back. "I am out of the office until a week on Monday."  Ah! Very helpful. So the person you put down as your cover is not there himself. Does this look good for your company? I think not. But then we're all human and things like this do happen. It's just that as a candidate applying for things, you are asked to show how marvellous you are, because that is the only sort of person they want.

And then to top it all this morning, as "Homes Under the Hammer" comes on (or whatever it was, please note I was not watching it), I see Dion Dublin is now one of the presenters. Dion Dublin. Ex-Aston Villa and England footballer. Tell me, what experience and qualifications does Mr Dublin have, exactly, which have led him into this career? Oh but I see I am wrong. He has had lots of presenting experience for the BBC (Football Focus etc). And I expect he has a lot of experience of posh houses. So I am wrong. And should get back to job hunting.

Fonting

We have, since I returned from Sicily, been back out on our rather unique and always enjoyable "fonting" trips. What I mean is that we have been out around Wiltshire (mostly) visiting churches where we know there are good examples of Norman sculpture to draw. Mostly this involves archways and columns that form part of the front doors, and often or not there is an excellent Norman font inside. There is also column decoration inside some churches.  So font is now being used as a verb to describe what we do.

We have made at least 3 visits over the last month or so. In fact, see, I am already forgetting because I have been slack and not blogged them. And then you tend to forget where you've been. So I thought I would blog today's and squeeze in previous visits in another post.

Today, which could have been called "Weird Wednesday", we set off to some of the villages that are in the middle of Salisbury Plain. It is such a weird landscape, and a sky heavy with promised rain did not help. We could hear the unsettling boom of the guns on Salisbury Plain before we even set off, which was rather disturbing. The whole area is strange, because of the rather enclosing hills and also the strange military villages that are near Stonehenge.

A few of the places we saw today we didn't draw much of, or didn't stay too long, as a couple were not what we were looking for. We have now become quite expert on Norman sculpture - well I think its proper name is Romanesque.  We are now able to recognise whether something is of the right period from its appearance - often this is obvious because of signs of age, rather than something new looking. But the give-away is really to do with how it was carved. Norman carvings (particularly for fonts) tend to be uneven, not uniform and generally wonky. This is their appeal. There is a real spirit and connection with the human who carved them, in comparison to a dull, soulless piece which is perfectly symmetrical, from later years. Are we fussy? No, but we know what we are looking for and we know what we like.

So today the real gem was a couple of carved column tops outside at Netheravon. They were opposite sides of the door of a really high tower - most unusual - and to accompanying booms outside (guns) and inside (someone practising the organ, Jeremy, apparently) - we set about drawing. Quadrapeds, as my sister calls them, are one of our favourite - these looked like bears to me. But you can never tell. We spotted their typical long claws (a regular feature) and a tail looped under a leg, coming over the animal's back. So somehow or other there were shared features among carvers. I suppose carvers would have gone to see others' carvings and of course they have carved many churches each - so a common style develops. Or is this how all animals were depicted at the time? It is interesting to consider.  One creature was completely worn but the other had a jaunty face that I managed to make look demonic in my attempt at drawing him. Talking of creatures, I was especially lucky when I went round the church for a little nose around. Catching sight of an animal behind a gravestone, I thought someone's dog had got into the graveyard. But coming round the side I came face to face with two deer - we were all surprised to see each other. There was an adult and a baby, both quite big and orangey in colour - who turned and leapt over the fence at top speed. Except then I saw the baby hadn't managed to get over, so I left in the hope its mother would return and help.

Today's trip took in six places in all - Shrewton, Netheravon, Fittleton, Figheldean, Durrington, and Orcheston, until the rain started coming down and became quite dull. There was also a horrible ten minutes where we got stuck in the middle of a small village where traffic had been diverted, a bus squashed the side of someone's car in front of our very eyes, and too many big lorries squeezed past us. All with a funeral just finishing in Shrewton. It wasn't very nice.  Specially with the guns so loud they shook the church we'd been in.

We learned about the Fittleton disaster of 1976 from a chance remark in a visitors' book, and all about the church at Figheldean from a man working outside. We had gone to visit the 13C knights in the porch, which, he told us, had been discovered buried nearby - perhaps to keep them safe from Cromwell. Not as detailed as the amazing knight at Castle Combe, but quite chunky.

The pleasingly simple but unusually wide font at Fittleton

My Scottish Inspiration

A year ago, when I was getting ready to fly out to Sicily, I had to miss seeing the live show of "Still Game", the wonderful Scottish comedy that was making its return after an absence of many years. I was gutted to miss it, so when I heard that the Burnistoun boys were doing a live show, I promised myself I was not going to miss that for the world. So I didn't - and it was bucking amazing. (See you have to be a fan...)

the sunshine on the Clyde

Yes, it was extravagant to fly to Glasgow and stay the night but why not!? I have long thought that Glasgow sounded nice - vibrant, exciting and with lots going on - since hearing my favourite Scottish comedians talk about their city. Glaswegians seem very proud of their home and rightly so - I was very impressed. Everyone was very friendly, including a woman working in the airport who offered to post some postcards for me.

botanical gardens

I set off on Saturday for Bristol Airport - two bus journeys and a delay of 90 minutes to take-off couldn't keep me from seeing my two Glaswegian favourites, oh no.  When I landed in Glasgow, it was surreal at first hearing everyone speak in the beautiful accents that I am used to only hearing on tv, and I tweeted Robert Florence to say I was a little overwhelmed by this. He favourited the tweet - both he and Iain Connell use Twitter and respond to their fans very often, me included.

George Square

My hotel was very near the theatre. Glasgow is on a grid system so it is not easy to get lost. I had some dinner (Italian, of course) and treated myself to a pre-show drink. I didn't know what to expect because I've never met a Burnistoun fan before (who I haven't converted). I was interested to see they were mostly young. The theatre was packed - I was in the back row of the stalls.  A woman in the interval was amazed to hear I'd come up from Bristol "Good for you!" she kept saying. She had never seen Burnistoun before and was loving it.

The show was wonderful - it was a good mixture of classic and new sketches with everyone's favourite characters, including the Quality Polis (with a wonderful take on "Maria"!); a welcome resurrection of Paul and Walter; Scott and Peter; Biscuity Boyle and of course, squirrel-mad Jolly Boy John.  There was a particularly good sketch with the politicians; the original blue denim jaisket; the now famous lift sketch; and great support from Gerry McLaughlin and Louise Stewart. The audience was laughing continuously and it was amazing to hear everyone shouting out the catchphrases. I realised you can't shout the catchphrases in southern English - it has to sound Glaswegian. There were a few times when I didn't catch what they said - I guess it is a bit easier on telly. But Glaswegian for me is just poetic, it really does add something special to the language and delivery.

down by the Clyde

One of the nicest things was seeing how much they enjoyed performing - they talked to the audience as well. Iain and Robert were in virtually every scene, so there were voiceover sketches between frantic costume changes - they managed it very well. They must have been exhausted following a run of a few nights. I had seen on Twitter that they meet fans after the show - I thought how rude it'd be if I didn't say hello in person, after coming all that way. And there they were, at the stage door, in the flesh. It was so kind of them because there were loads of fans and they looked quite tired, unsurprisingly. When it came to my turn I leaned towards Robert and said, "I thought I'd come and say hello instead of tweeting." He looked at me and was probably thinking, well which one of my followers are you, and so I said my name and he knew then that I had come from Bristol, which was so nice, and they were both really appreciative and he said was it worth it? Of course it was, totally. I got to have a picture taken with them which was great. It was one of those surreal moments that you look at afterwards and think, did that really happen? I don't remember Iain's hand on my shoulder. It means a lot to me because they're both round my age and they've both done some brilliant things - so they are a real inspiration to me. Especially now, when I'm job hunting again. They are wonderful writers and actors, and obviously appreciate their fans. Robert seems to have endless energy and ideas. So to see the show and to meet them gives me energy and inspiration and self belief for the future.

Iain Connell, me, and Robert Florence

One night some years ago, I watched by chance a comedy programme called "Empty", which I really enjoyed. Beautifully written and acted (with Gregor Fisher and Billy Boyd). Later, I just happened to wonder who the writers were. I looked them up, this "Iain Connell and Robert Florence" and saw they'd done something else, "Burnistoun"... and from there to this, to Glasgow... :)

The Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum

Next morning, in bright sunshine, I took the Glasgow tour bus around the city from George Square. The tour guide was interesting and amusing and I saw some of the famous landmarks like the cathedral, the necropolis, the big ornate Victorian buildings from when it was a wealthy industrial city, and the futuristic buildings along the banks of the Clyde. I saw the Armadillo and the Hydro (where I should have seen Jack and Victor). I stopped off at the Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum for a wander round (visiting Sir Roger the elephant and baby elephant, Kelvin). I was quite excited to see things I recognised from Still Game such as George Square and the River Kelvin.

   

Sir Roger

Glasgow reminded me of Birmingham with the old industrial past and modern rejuvenation. I liked it a lot and I would love to return to explore it some more. Taking off from the airport you could see some pretty hills in the background. So ideally, a job in Glasgow then...

the River Kelvin, which features in one of my favourite episodes of Still Game

August

I seem to leave it awfully long to blog again but here we go, what has been happening in August?

Well, work, work and more work, and the students were just getting more and more weary as the term went on because basically no one else is at school so why should they be? It did seem increasingly difficult to keep them motivated and who can blame them? By the end of term it was quite impossible. But I saw a different side to one or two of them and it was all a bit emotional for them leaving their friends after becoming so close in such a close-knit environment.  There is no work for me there next term, as numbers in September are lower. I have turned down 3 months in the Ukraine, as my plan is to stay here now and not delay finding what I want here. I'm happy with that, I just need to start looking.

Going back to job hunting is as depressing as it was last time. I applied for a bog-standard kind of position as a vets' receptionist/animal assistant - I have experience in both reception duties and working with animals. But they had over 200 applications for it - from whom, I cannot imagine. So if this is the sort of competition... However, can't give up and I have had a look today and found some things to apply for, even if they are not amazing and challenging careers. It seems that the job market today has changed and it is no longer possible to just find a rewarding and well paid job that suits your skills and qualifications. Seemingly you have to have experience in everything (but who would go from the same job to the same job all the time? It doesn't even make sense). I saw one for a copywriter for a website but you had to have a proven interest in lingerie (er, how?) I will have to approach it all more creatively and perhaps have several ways of making a living instead of one. I have advertised my English tuition services so hopefully with the start of a new term, some students might want help with things. One person has replied so far :) It is very time consuming looking for jobs, before you've even applied for them.

In other news, well I will blog about that separately. Needless to say that I am missing the warmth of the Sicilian sun very much in this English climate, and still missing the coffee, boys and Etna.